19 July 2003

No Girls Allowed

A dear friend of mine had this great painting on her bedroom wall. It was a little girl with a sad face sitting on the ground. She was wearing shorts and a t-shirt, her knees were a little skinned and dirty, and she was playing with a doll. Behind her was a clubhouse with the door shut tight. On the door was a homemade sign, scrawled in little boy handwriting, that said "No Girls Allowed." This week at work, I was that little girl.

I never really understood the concept of the "boys club" in the workplace. I had never experienced it myself. Though most of the management at the companies I have worked at in my life have been men, never have I been made to feel less capable, intelligent and worthy because of my gender.

I know I am good at what I do. I did the same job for many years at another company with huge success. Clients loved me. My colleagues loved me. Management invited me to meetings to share my innermost thoughts. Even if my opinions were not necessarily those of the majority I was never made to feel as if I was a complete moron for holding them. So what do I do? I get all bold and full of myself and make a leap to a new job, to lands unknown, to The Boys Club.

So this week the door with the sign on it, stating plainly that I was not welcome, was opened up and I was invited to share my innermost thoughts with the club members. I was belittled. I was spoken to in a condescending voice. I was patted on the head and sent on my merry way with a snicker and a sneer. The door shut behind me, and the meeting went on. I was so in shock that I shook a bit and then I left work early without a word about it.

Maybe this is just the way the world works, and I have been hiding in some cozy, insular community for the last 30 years of my life. Maybe this was just a one time thing. It did do something for me, though. This girl is going out to find some new friends who'll let me join their club and who'll share their toys and leave the door open and take the sign down.

The hard part is dusting off your knees and not letting them see you cry.